No, no, no. I must stop. I must think about something else. This is what I`ll do. I`ll put the clock in the other room. Then I can`t look at it. If I do have to look at it, then I`ll have to walk into the bedroom, and that will be something to do. Maybe, before I look at it again, he will call me. I`ll be so sweet to him, if he calls me. If he says he can`t see me tonight, I`ll say, "Why, that`s all right, dear. Why, of course it`s all right." I`ll be the way I was when I first met him. Then maybe he`ll like me again. I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it`s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
I think he must still like me a little. He couldn`t have called me "darling" twice today, if he didn`t still like me a little. It isn`t all gone, if he still likes me a little; even if it`s only a little, little bit. You see, God, if You would just let him telephone me, I wouldn`t have to ask You anything more. I would be sweet to him, I would be gay, I would be just the way I used to be, and then he would love me again. And then I would never have to ask You for anything more. Don`t You see, God? So won`t You please let him telephone me? Won`t You please, please, please?
Are You punishing me, God, because I`ve been bad? Are You angry with me because I did that? Oh, but, God, there are so many bad people ?You could not be hard only to me. And it wasn`t very bad; it couldn`t have been bad. We didn`t hurt anybody, God. Things are only bad when they hurt people. We didn`t hurt one single soul; You know that. Yo