Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics1 class pulls a hamstring2.
One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 pounds.
The best way to forget your fat is to wear tight shoes.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
I gave up jogging for my health... when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my tights3 on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes! 

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like,“You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name4, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,“Body, how’d you like to go to the six o’clock class in vigorous toning5?” Clear as a bell my body said, “Listen witch... do it and die.”
I read this article that said the typical symptoms6 of stress are: eating too much, impulse7 buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. 

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微笑的原因：每天每7分钟，就有某人在健美操课上拉伤了腿部韧带。
人生奥秘之一：一盒两磅重的糖果如何会使一个女人增重5磅？
忘却肥胖的最好方法就是穿一双挤脚的鞋子。
年纪越大，减肥越难。因为到那时，身体与脂肪已成密友，难舍难分。
为健康我放弃了慢跑……我的两条大腿总在相互摩擦，裤袜磨得快烧起来了。
真奇怪！你把衣服往壁橱里挂上一阵，它就缩了两号！

苗条的人让我发狂！特别是她们说出这样的话：“你知道，有时我就是忘了吃饭。”现在我已经忘了我的住址、我母亲娘家的姓、还有我的钥匙，但我从来没忘记过吃饭。你一定是那种特别蠢的人，才会蠢到忘记吃饭。
他们总是让我们与自己的身体保持沟通。我的身体虽然不是那么爱说话，但是前几天我对它说了句：“身体呀，你想去参加6点开始的高强度瘦身班吗？”我听到身体响亮地回答：“听着，巫婆……去吧，去死吧。”
我读过一篇文章，里面说压力的典型症状为：饮食过量、冲动购物、高速驾驶。他们在开玩笑吧？这可是我心目中最完美的一天！

 

1. aerobics   n. 有氧健身操
2. hamstring   n. 腿腱
3. tights n. 连裤袜
4. maiden name（女子的）婚前姓，娘家姓
5. toning   n. 瘦身
6. symptom   n. 症状
7. impulse  n. 冲动