I had first drink when I was 14. It was the summer before I started high school, and my parents had announced that they were getting divorced2. Dad rented a flat a couple of miles away from the house and moved out; my sister and I stayed with my mom. When I look back I can see how upset3 I was, but at the time I didn't think it affected me that much. I knew it was going to be really different not having my dad around every day, but I was kind of relieved4 that I wouldn't have to hear my parents fight anyone. They'd been drinking and fighting for years—it was painful to see.
The night my parents said they separated each other, my best friend and I searched her parents' liquor5 cabinet6 and got really drunk. I thought it would help me forget about my problems at home. I loved the burning sensation7 that spread through my body as I drank vodka8 straight from the bottle. It made me feel free, like I didn't have any problems anymore. So I reached for tequila9 and then rum10. Then the room started to spin11 and my body went numb12. The next morning, my friend's parents found us passed out13 on the floor. We were so hung over14 and sick. It was miserable. My friend's parents said that the hangover was our punishment and that it should teach us our lesson. I wish they'd been right, but unfortunately15, that was only the first of many drunken nights and nasty16 hangovers.
When I got home I could hardly hide how sick I felt. I walked in and went straight to my room to take a nap17 before dinner. My mom stopped me and asked if I'd had a good time. I told her it was okay, but I was tired because we'd rented a movie and watched TV until really late. I think that was the first time I'd really lied to her. I didn't even feel bad about it because she made it so easy. If she had asked what movie we rented, I would have been in trouble, but she was too caught up18 in her own divorce to care about what I was doing. That's when I realized that I could get away with19 just about anything. In a way I was happy I could do whatever I wanted to without her control, but deep down I was upset by my mom's lack of concern20. I felt like she didn't really care about me, like I was all alone to deal with things by myself.
HIGH21 IN HIGH SCHOOL
When my freshman22 year started, my friend and I were getting drunk every weekend. Within months, the partying spread into the weekdays. The basement of my house was perfect party room. My sister would get us beer. She thought it was funny to see her little sister walk around half drunk.
Since there was no control at home, I started asking kids to hang out in my basement after school. I quickly found out who was fun—that is, who liked to experiment with drugs and liquor—and who wasn't. One day someone showed up with marijuana23 and four of us got very high.
Mom came home that night around 6:30, after my friends had left. As I walked through the kitchen toward my bedroom, my sister took one look at me and said, “You're stoned.”
Mom turned and stared at me.
“Don't worry,” my sister said. “Mom doesn't care—she gets high too.”
Mom tried to deny it: “Now hold on a minute. I have tried it but I don't use it. There's difference, you know.”“Yeah. Right,” said my sister.
My mom didn't say another word about my condition. In a way I felt hurt. For once I just wanted her to be a parent to me. I wanted her to get mad at me for hurting myself and my body. I wanted her to tell me that what I was doing was wrong. In a strange way, I even wanted her to punish me. I just needed to know that she cared—then I would feel like everything would be okay. But instead, all I learned from that experience was that I could keep drinking, taking drugs, and doing whatever I wanted to do. No one would stop me.
From that day on, I became more and more out of control. I started hanging out24 with my sister and her older friends because they let me take beers and smokes. This one night, she introduced me to this guy who was 17 and had a car. He was really cute25 and we started drinking together. Before I knew it, we were so drunk and I lost my virginity. It was my first time. I was so out of it, and I have regretted it ever since—it's like I threw away part of my life.
GETTING IN OVER MY HEAD26
By the beginning of my sophomore27 year, I was hung over every day and I felt angry at the world. That's when I met Jimmy. He was 18, out of school, and really sexy. We hung out and drank a few times a week. One night he turned me on28 to cocaine29. I started cutting school to get high with him and before long, I started sneaking out30 of the house to stay over at his place. Whenever my mom asked me questions about where I was going, I'd make up lies and give her the “I know what you do” look and she'd go away. It's hard to describe how I was feeling. I was excited because I had this great older boy friend who I thought would always protect me. But at the same time I was getting physically31 sick, tired all the time, and I felt like I couldn't keep up this wild lifestyle anymore. I was always sad and just wanted to have a normal32 life, but I no longer knew how. I felt like I was trapped33, and the only way to deal was to become even number and more forgetful. So I just kept turning to alcohol and drugs to try to wipe away my depression34. I was losing every part of life that used to make me happy.
My mom had no idea what I was doing to myself, but my sister did. She went straight to my dad. I didn't know it, but he had checked himself into rehab35 and had been clean and sober36 for over a year. One weekend when I was staying at his house, he faced me. He told me about his own addiction and how he overcame it. I cried as he spoke, not only because it was hard to hear about my dad going through something so painful, but also because finally someone understood what I was going through. Finally I found someone who I thought could help me—and at that point I really wanted help.
With my dad's support, I checked myself into rehab the following week. I was really scared37 to face my problem and my feelings at first. I was afraid I would fail—that I couldn't live without drugs and alcohol. But by talking to other patients in group therapy38, working with counselors39, and finally being honest about what I needed from my parents, I got stronger every day.
I've been clean and sober for 6 months now. I moved in with my dad and changed schools. My mom tries to be supportive, but she still has her own problems to face. Some days I feel tempted40 to have a drink or smoke, but I just try to remember how drugs and alcohol destroyed my life—how miserable they made me feel. I take one day at a time and pray I'll have the strength to continue being strong and making a happier future for myself.
1． addiction n．上瘾
2． divorce v．离婚
3． upset adj．心烦意乱的
4． relieved adj．放心的，宽慰的
5． liquor n．白酒
6． cabinet n．橱柜
7． sensation n．感觉
8． vodka n．伏特加酒
9． tequila n．蒸馏酒
10． rum n．兰姆酒
11． spin [spin] v．旋转
12．numb adj．麻木的
13．pass out 昏倒
14．hung 为hang 的过去分词。hung over意为（美俚）因酒醉而感觉不适的。下文hangover为名词，意为宿醉
15．unfortunately adv．不幸地
16．nasty adj．肮脏的
17．nap n．小睡
18．be caught up 受某物吸引，被卷入……之中
19．get away with 逃脱
20．concern n．关心
21．high adj．酒醉了的，意同下文中的 stoned （美俚）喝醉了的
22．freshman n．高中一年级学生
23．marijuana n．大麻
24．hang out 出外混
25．cute adj．可爱的
26．get in over one＇s head 酩酊大醉
27．sophomore n．高中二年级生
28．turn sb． on （服用麻醉药后）使产生幻觉，变得兴奋
29．cocaine n．可卡因
30．sneak out 偷偷地外逃
31． physically adv．身体上
32． normal adj．正常的
33． trap v．设圈套
34． depression n．沮丧
35． rehab n．戒毒所
36． sober adj．清醒的，不吸毒的
37． scared adj．恐惧的
38． therapy 治疗，疗法
39． counselor n．顾问
40． tempt [tempt] v．引诱