we all know studying english is hard, and it takes years, if not decades, to master it. wouldn`t it be wonderful if there were some way to fool people into thinking your english was perfect, without going through all that hard work? i`d like to share with my chinese friends some tricks that i`ve developed over the course of the past few years for the purpose of fooling chinese people into thinking my chinese is perfect. though these techniques were developed for chinese, i find that they also work well for chinese people trying to learn english. just master these few simple tricks, and your english will improve overnight!

　　1. first, learn to speak english.废话, you say. yes, i`m joking, of course. but seriously, these tricks will work only if you have at least the basics of english. and a good accent is the first requirement, since it will get you 90% of the way. if your pronunciation -- especially of vowels -- is accurate, english speakers will be willing to ignore little mistakes in grammar and the strange vocabulary you might use.

　　2. adopt a relaxed, unhurried speaking style, so that people will assume your reaction time is naturally slow. you don`t have to appear stupid (though this has certain advantages), but it helps to have people assume you`re the type of person who thinks about each sentence carefully before speaking. this gives you time to think. it`s better for others to assume you`re a bit slow, rather than to realize how wretched your english is.

　　3. let the other person supply the word you need. the way you accomplish this is simply to hesitate before uttering some crucial word -- a word that you may not be sure of -- but which should be obvious to any native speaker based on the context. the listener, perfectly aware of what you