My name is  Yuan Quan. I like winter best.Because l can play in  the snow and make  a snowman.  Winter  is white and 　pretty.My mam  and sister  also like winter.I often make a snowman and play in the snow on winter. Sometimes I go shopping  with my family.

修改后：
My name is  Yuan Quan. I like winter best. Because l can play with the snow and make  a snowman.　In winter, the world is all white. My mum  and sister also like winter. We often make snowmen and have a snowball fight together. It is very interesting.

修改老师：Crystal 老师 

　　五年级:袁泉

作文网专稿 未经允许不得转载