Soon afterwards she saw the red team flag. One of the red team players was watching over it. Stacie shot him with her water gun, and got the flag out from the pole. Finally she got the red flag out of the pole, she ran to her teacher immediately shouting, “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” the blue team had won against the red team; Stacie was the hero of the day.

　For the red of the holidays Stacie had fun, she even made new friends.

　What does this story tell you? If you had not tried the fun then you will never know the end. I love writing my diaries, and telling these stories to you.

修改后 

　Everybody knows what we should do when somebody is in trouble, from country to country; many people helped some poor men. I am very happy to finally write my diary, and now I will tell a very funny story of a little girl who lived among the camps.

　Stacie wanted to live in a big hotel for the holidays, but her parents sent her to a terrible camp instead. Stacie loved juice and chocolate milk for breakfast, but she got water at the camp. In the afternoon Stacie wanted to write poems, but she had to swim; there were spider webs hanging above the tents in which Stacie slept, she hate it!