3. while 轻微转折和对比，强转折用词but, however        4. master 主人
As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter opinion. There is a saying, “Everyone is the architect of his own future.” Which means one’s fate is decided in his own hands. In fact, no one is destined to a certain fate in his or her life. Those who claim that they were born to fail or be unlucky just can’t realize how much inner strength and ability they have. We must depend on ourselves to changes our lives and make us successful and happy.
 注：1. 第一句as far as与I agree重复，把后半句改为the latter opinion seems more reasonable。
        2. architect 建筑师，archor 弓箭手
        3. In fact 前后是转折关系，之前从正面阐述，之后从反面阐述
范文17. My View on Fate （续）
Let’s take Helen Keller, an extraordinary American woman, for example. When she was only 19 months old, she became blind and deaf. Instead of accepting her misfortune helplessly, she showed great courage and unconquerable spirit in fighting against her destined fate and was awarded the President’s Medal of Freedom in 1964 because of the achievements she had made for helping the blind, the deaf and the speechless. This story tells us that a wise man is always creating his own fate rather than waiting for good luck.
注：1. 本段开始举例
        2. Let`s take……for example 中间是插入语，表示强调，举例不宜太长。
In conclusion, I believe that everyone is born equal and is the builder of his own fate We can have good fortune only if we take pains and work hard. We should bear the following saying in mind, “Every man is the master of his own fate.”
注：bear sth. in mind：把……牢记在心
范文13. The Way to Success