Carrie was spreading nasty1 rumors about me. I was so angry, I didn't think I'd ever forgive her.
Carrie and I weren't very close. Not friends, no enemies, but somewhere in between.
We went to the same school and the same church, so we saw each other a lot. And even though we weren't close, we were always civil to each other. That is, until high school. That's when Carries started telling lies, first about my best friend, and then about me.
It seemed to start when Carrie was dating John, the ex-boyfriend of my best friend, Emily. For some reason, Carrie started gossiping and telling awful lies about Emily, things that were so untrue it was ridiculous. But sometimes people are willing to believe anything, and gossip about Emily spread like fire. It was obvious Carrie really wanted to hurt her, and though Emily hid her feelings well, she was angry at what Carrie was doing.
I should've been smart enough to stay out of things2, because the problem really was between Emily and Carrie. But I felt like I needed to do something, since my best friend was the one getting hurt.
So I confronted3 Carrie with the rumors: “How could you possibly say things about Emily that are so untrue? Don't you care about other people at all?”
Carrie looked back at me innocently4 and said, “I didn't say anything. I'd never do that, and you know it.”
Well, I didn't know it. And the next thing I knew, Carrie was spreading lies about me too—stories about me and guys, about how I acted on the weekends, anything she could think of to make me look bad.
Part of me said, “Hey, everyone knows she's a liar. I shouldn't let it bother me.” But another part of me was angry. And even though they were all lies, the things she said about me really hurt.
Somehow, Carrie and I avoided saying “hi ”. We just pretended the other person didn't exist. But we were both very aware of5 each other, and what was going on between us.
OK, so Carrie really bugged6 me. But something else started bugging me too: My conscience7.
I knew it very clear in what way we should treat other people, and I always tried to be kind. I never treated anyone badly.
Not even Carrie. Well, at least I didn't think so. If anything, I felt like I was the victim8 in this whole thing. She was the one who was treating people badly. Not me. But my youth leader, Anete, didn't agree.
Anette and I were working together at a local youth camp one weekend, making hundreds of sandwiches. We were talking about school and guys, and unexpectedly, she says, “ So, how are things between you and Carrie?”
I wasn't totally surprised by the question. Everyone knew that Carrie and I didn't get along. But I was a little surprised by the timing of the question. She asks me this now?? I thought. While we're making sandwiches?!? She must have sensed9 that I needed to talk. I'd been controlling my feelings about Carrie for too long, and I wanted to tell someone how I felt, how much it hurt to be lied about.
I guess I half-expected Annette to be sympathetic, to say something like, “Wow, that's really awful. I had no idea things were so bad. That Carrie sure sounds terrible.” Instead, she said, “Man, that hurts. It's awful to be lied about, especially when you've done nothing wrong. You know, though, we must be willing to forgive, even if you're the one who's been hurt, and even if you're not at fault.”
For a moment, I was really mad at Annette. Why should I be the one to fix things with Carrie? I hadn't done anything wrong.
But all of a sudden, I realized I had done something wrong. I may not have talked badly about Carrie out loud, but in my heart, I was terribly angry at her. And never once had I really tried to be friendly.
Maybe Annette was right. Maybe it was up to me to forgive and make things right.
There we were, Carrie and I, in our first-hour Algebra 210. Normally, we didn't sit near each other. But on this day, our teacher decided to put us all in study groups of four people each. For a whole year, she'd left us alone. Now, all of a sudden, she put us in groups. And guess who was in my group? Carrie, I was so uncomfortable. There was so much tension between us, my heart was pounding. I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer11, and asked Carrie what she thought of youth group the week before. That seemed like a safe thing to talk about.
Carrie was surprised. And after a second or two, she spoke back to me, and she was civil about it. I didn't remember what else we talked about, but it was a pretty rough hour.
Things weren't fixed just like that. But after a few days, it got easier and easier to say “hi” and to make small talk, to actually be nice to each other.
I felt a huge load lifted off me12, which was a surprise, because I never realized the load was there—until I took a good, long look at myself. It was hard to accept the fact that I wasn't totally blameless, that maybe my inner bad feelings toward Carrie had been just as wrong as the way she had been acting toward me.
Swallowing13 my pride, forgiving Carrie, and actually speaking to her was one of the hardest things I've ever done, But I knew it was the right thing to do, Carrie and I may never be best friends, but that's OK. When God tells us to love people, he doesn't necessarily mean we have to be good friends with them. At least now Carrie knows I'm not mad at her any more. And I guess she needed that as much as I did.
卡丽在造我的谣。我太生气了，我想我永远也不会原谅她。
卡丽和我不很铁，算不上朋友，也不是敌人，而是介于两者之间。
我们在同一所学校念书，在同一座教堂做礼拜，因此见面的机会很多。虽然我们的关系一般，彼此总还能以礼相待。这种状况一直持续到中学，那时她开始造谣。先是对我最好的朋友，然后是我。
事情好像是从卡丽同约翰约会时开始的。他是我最好的朋友埃米莉的前任男友。出于某种原因，卡丽开始散布有关埃米莉的可怕谣言，简直是谎话连篇、荒谬至极。然而有时候人们什么都愿意相信。这样关于埃米莉的流言蜚语便以星火燎原之势迅速传开了。很明显，卡丽确实是要伤害埃米莉。尽管埃米莉表面上不露声色，但她对卡丽的所作所为非常恼火。
我本该放聪明点，置身事外，因为这的确只是埃米莉和卡丽两人之间的事。但由于受到伤害的是我最好的朋友，我总觉得应该做点什么。
于是，就这些谣言我当面质问卡丽：“你怎么能这样无事生非地说埃米莉的坏话呢？你难道对别人一点都不在乎吗？”
卡丽回过头，委屈地看着我，说道：“我什么也没说呀。我从没做这种事，你知道的。”
哼，我还不知道。我只知道这之后卡丽也在造我的谣了——说我有多少个男朋友啦，周末如何如何啦。任何把我搞臭的话都有，只要她想得出来。
有时候我对自己说：“哎，人人都知道她是个造谣生事的人，我不该为这种人烦心。”但有时我很气愤。尽管她说的那些都是谎话，我听了还是够难受的。
不知怎的，我和卡丽碰面时便不再打招呼了，只装作对方不存在。但我们俩人都非常清楚对方的存在及彼此之间的不愉快。
总之，卡丽确实让我十分烦恼，但还有让我觉着烦恼的——那就是我的良心。
我知道应该如何对待别人。一直努力与人为善，我可从来没有对别人使过坏。
对卡丽也没有过，至少没想过对她使坏。要说有什么的话，我觉得我是整个事情的受害者。她才是对别人使坏的人，不是我。但我们青少年体验营队长安妮塔却不这么认为。
安妮塔和我当时正在本地一家青少年营地忙活，制做很多三明治。我们一边干，一边谈论着学校的事和男孩子们。突然，她出人意料地来了一句：“哎，你和卡丽怎么样了？”
这个问题并没有让我觉得特别吃惊，谁都知道卡丽与我不和。但是我有些惊讶，她怎么选择这个时候问我。我心想：这个时候问我？？在我们正在做三明治的时候？！？她肯定感觉到我需要和别人谈谈。已经太长时间了，我一直压抑着对卡丽的情绪，我真的很想告诉别人我内心的感受，被人造谣中伤后太“受伤”了。
我想我当时多少指望安妮塔说些同情我的话，比方说：“呀，这真不得了。没想到情况坏到这个地步。那个卡丽可恶之极。”可我听到的却是这个：“嘿，那的确够受的。被人造谣中伤，特别是你又没做错什么，这的确可恶。但是你知道，我们应该宽大为怀——即使你是受害者，即使你没有过错。”
有那么会儿，我可真生安妮塔的气了。凭什么要我去迁就卡丽？我又没做错什么。
但是，突然之间，我认识到我也有错。或许我没有对别人说过卡丽的坏话，但我心里对她非常地恼火，而且我从来没有真正试着对她表示友好。
或许安妮塔是对的。或许应该是由我来原谅她，挽回局面。
在上几何（2）第一节课时，我和卡丽又见面了。通常我们不会坐在一块儿。然而那天老师决定把全班同学每四个人分在一组学习。整整一年了，她都没管过我们，现在却突然把我们分成小组。再猜谁和我一组？卡丽。我可真不自在。我们两人之间的关系太紧张了，我的心在砰砰剧跳。于是我深吸一口气，快速做了一个祷告，然后问卡丽她对上一周的青年营活动有什么看法。谈论这个似乎比较妥当。
卡丽显然吃了一惊。大概过了一两秒钟，她才开始回答我的问题，而且态度还算客气。我不记得我们还谈了些什么，但那段时间挺难熬的。
事情不是这么容易就解决了。但是一段时日之后，两人之间打打招呼、闲聊两句变得越来越容易，而且能彼此善待对方了。
我觉得似乎解下了压在心头的一个大包袱。这让我有些吃惊，因为在我仔细地、久久地审视自己之前，我从未意识到心里有个包袱。我并非完全无可指责，或许我内心对于卡丽的厌恶和她对我的所作所为一样都是错的。这是事实，尽管让人难以接受。
收起自负，宽恕卡丽，进而对她开口讲话，这是我所做过的最难的一件事。但我知道这样做是对的。我和卡丽也许永远不会成为好朋友，但这无关紧要。上帝告诉我们要爱别人，不一定是要我们和别人亲密无间。至少现在卡丽知道我不再生她的气了。我想她和我一样都需要这种感觉。
1． nasty adj． 污秽的， 令人厌恶的
2． “我本该明哲保身，置身事外。”
3． confront with 面临，对抗
4． innocently adv． 无罪地， 纯洁地
5． be aware of 意识到
6． bug v． [美俚]烦扰， 折磨， 激怒
7． conscience n． 良心
8． victim n． 受害人， 牺牲者
9． sense [sens] v． 感到
10． 此句意为“在上几何（2）的第一节课堂上，我和卡丽又见面了。”
11． ″我们俩的关系太紧张了，我的心砰砰直跳。于是我深吸一口气，快速做了一个祷告。”
12． “我仿佛卸下了压在心头的一个重包袱。”
13． swallow v． 取消， 压制