So what's going on here? You're jealous!
The Green－Eyed Monster4
When it comes to ruining friendships, few emotions beat the green-eyed monster, jealousy. What makes it so powerful—and so potentially destructive? With everyone from parents to teachers to TV shows telling you to “just be yourself,” a sudden longing to be more like somebody else can be confusing! Your self-confidence suffers. You start worrying that you're not “good enough,” even though you were good enough just yesterday. Then the resentment creeps in: “She's so perfect! She gets everything, and I get nothing.” And to top it off5, you feel guilty, too. How can you resent someone else's success or good fortune like that—especially if she's your friend? (What kind of person are you, anyway?) Between being down on6 yourself, resenting your friend, and the guilt, you're totally miserable…and as if that isn't bad enough, your friendship suffers, too.
Yet jealousy is perfectly normal. In fact, it's a pretty safe bet that every single girl you know has felt it. After all, we live in a competitive world, where girls are expected to strive to be “the best” (even while they're being themselves!). Seeing someone who is better at anything can sting, even if we know deep down7 that nobody's perfect.
So what can you do about it? You can't help feeling jealous, right? Maybe not, but you can keep jealousy from running your life. The key is to stop it from turning into all those other thoughts and feelings. And the first step to doing that is to own up to8 the feeling—at least to yourself. Just admit it: You're jealous! (Was that so hard?)
The next step? Remind yourself that feeling jealous has nothing to do with being “good enough.” No matter how talented or beautiful or accomplished, every human being feels jealous sometimes, not just those of us who aren't good enough—whatever that means. If you can truly accept that everyone has both talents and flaws, you'll see that it's pointless to focus all your powerful energy on wishing you were someone more perfect, because there's just no such thing.
Now let's go back to the idea that you can't help how you feel. That's certainly true enough…but you can help how you act on those feelings. If you want your friendships to survive the occasional attack of the green-eyed monster, it's important to understand that jealousy is never an excuse for treating a friend badly. Is it your BFF's9 fault that she makes every basket she throws or can sing like Kelly Clarkson? Of course not! So don't pout or brood or bite her head off10…instead, turn that jealousy into a compliment. Did she make an awesome11 catch today? Does her new haircut make her look like a movie star? Tell her so! Believe it or not, you'll feel better—and she will, too.
The Flip Side12
But what about those times when you're the object of envy? What if your friend is the one who's jealous—and handling it badly? You can't change her behavior, but you can act in ways that will make her feel better and help save your friendship, too.
Don＇t try to convince anyone that you＇re perfect．
Sometimes we feel as though we have to be perfect to be loved, but think about it: Do you want your friends to be flawless? Don't think so! So let your buds13 in on the truth: You face challenges and problems, just like anyone. If they know that your soccer skills come from years of practice (and many bruises), they'll be more likely to sincerely celebrate your successes on the field. If they know that you sometimes oversleep, look awful, or get in trouble, they'll sympathize when disaster strikes, instead of thinking, “Ha! She finally messed up14!”
Admire your friend＇s strengths．
Would you look away, unimpressed, if someone turned a flawless cartwheel15? Of course not. Now take it one step further. If your best friend has beautiful hair, makes blueberry pancakes to die for16, or knows exactly what to do in an emergency, tell her how much you admire those qualities. If she knows you're sincere, she'll find it much easier to appreciate your talents without wishing they were her own.
Never say, “You＇re just jealous!”
Even if it's true, you won't gain anything—she'll just be even more upset with you. Instead, give her some time to get over it. Soon she'll be acting like herself again.
Avoid the Queen of Jealousy．
It's easy to see that a friend who treats you badly because she's jealous isn't acting like a friend. But what about a friend who looks up to you so much that she seems to think you're better than she is? Our advice: Be very careful. The adoration may be flattering at first, but that sort of friend may have dangerously low self-esteem. Sooner or later, she's bound to17 start resenting you—and taking it out on18 your friendship.
Even in girls with lots of self-confidence, jealousy can sometimes spring up where you least expect it. But if you know how to handle it, the green-eyed monster doesn't have to threaten the friendships you care so much about. In fact, there's even some good that can come from jealousy. Think about it: That little sting of envy springs from deep admiration, right? So let that admiration spur19 you to action. If you admire your friend's success at science competitions, consider your own talents and interests, and find a way to go after that kind of success for yourself. Instead of letting the green-eyed monster make you miserable, turn it to your advantage. In the long run20, you'll benefit—and so will your friendships.
你这是怎么了？你是在妒忌她啊！
妒忌：绿眼怪兽
说起破坏友谊的几种情绪，鲜有能够斗得过“妒忌”这只绿眼怪兽的。它为什么拥有如此强大的威慑力和潜在的破坏力呢？无论是父母、老师，还是电视节目，每个人都教导你“要有自己的个性”，但是你却突然更想像别人一样；这确实会让人不知所措。自信心受挫，你开始担心自己还不够优秀，尽管你仍和往常一样没什么变化。而且，一丝怨恨之情悄悄袭上心头：“她完美无缺，拥有一切！而我却什么都没有！”最糟的是，你还有一种负罪感。自己怎么能怨恨别人的成功或好运——尤其当那个人是你朋友的时候？（无论怎样，你这是成了什么人啦？）对自己不满意，又怨恨朋友，同时又感到内疚，你被这几种情绪折磨得可怜兮兮……这好像还不够糟糕透顶，你们的友情受影响了。
然而妒忌之情却是百分之百的正常现象。实际上你认识的每个女孩都有过这种心态，这点绝对可以打包票。毕竟这是一个竞争激烈的世界，女孩期望通过努力成为最好的（尽管她们都各有所长）。看到别人的拿手好戏，心被深深刺痛了，即使心里很清楚人无完人。
那么你该怎么办呢？抑制不住妒忌之情吧？或许是的，但是你可以不让这种情绪主宰你的生活。关键是要防止妒忌转化成其他的想法和感情。首先要坦白承认这种情绪——至少向自己承认。接受自己这种心态就行：我是在忌妒别人！（这很难做到吗？）
下一步呢？提醒自己妒忌之情与是否优秀毫无关联。一个人无论是多么有天分，多么漂亮，多么有成就，总会时不时妒忌别人，更不必说我们这些平庸之辈了——这无关紧要。如果你真能承认每个人既有才华又有缺点，你就会发现将自己的旺盛精力消耗在奢望变成别人那样优秀是毫无意义的，因为这是不可能的。
现在让我们回到先前的话题：你控制不住这种情绪。当然这千真万确……但是你能控制的是怎样去对待这种情绪。如果你想让友谊经得起绿眼怪兽的偶然侵袭，那你就要明白忌妒并不是你伤害朋友的借口。若是你的密友能准确投篮，或是能像凯莉·克莱克森一样唱得好，这难道是她的错么？当然不是！因此不要噘着嘴、闷闷不乐，或是无缘无故冲她发火……而应该化妒忌为赞扬。今天她接球是不是很漂亮？她新做的发型是不是很像个电影明星？就这样夸奖她！信不信由你，你会感觉好些——她也一样。
问题的另一面——被妒忌
如果你成为妒忌的靶子，那该怎么办？如果你的朋友嫉妒你，待你不善，那该怎么办？你不能改变她的行为举止，但你可以想点办法让她感觉好些，来挽救你们的友谊。
不要使任何人相信你是十全十美的
有时我们觉得必须十全十美才能讨人喜欢，但是想一想吧：你想你的朋友完美无缺么？不要有这种想法！所以要让朋友知道：你和大家一样面临各种挑战和困难。如果他们知道你的球技是多年勤奋练习（加上多次受伤）换来的，他们就会更可能真诚地祝贺你在球场上的成功。如果他们知道你有时也会睡过头，看起来状态不佳，或者陷入困境，那么你有难时他们也会同情你，而不是幸灾乐祸：“哈哈！她也有出错的时候！”
赞美朋友的优点
如果有人做了一个无可挑剔的侧身翻，你会转过脸，无动于衷么？当然不会！进一步考虑一下：如果你的密友拥有漂亮的头发，能烙一手让人垂涎欲滴的蓝莓薄饼，或是知道怎样应对紧急事件，那么就直接说很佩服她。如果她知道你是真心赞美她，她也会觉得更容易去欣赏你的才华，而不是忌妒你。
永远不要说“你在忌妒！”
即使你说对了，你也不会得到什么好处——只会加深她对你的不满。相反，给她点时间，让她摆脱这种心态。不久她就会恢复正常。
回避忌妒女王
显而易见，如果一个朋友因为妒忌你而待你不善，那她就算不上朋友了。但如果她超崇拜你，总认为你比她棒，这又说明什么？我们建议：小心为妙。这种崇拜开始也许只是出于恭维，但这种朋友可能缺乏自信，这很危险。迟早她会怨恨你，拿你们友谊撒气。
即使在那些很有自信的女孩身上，有时也会在出你所料的地方流露出妒忌之情。但是如果知道怎样处理，“妒忌”这只绿眼怪兽就不会威胁到你很在乎的友谊。实际上，如果有点妒忌心，还有些好处呢！想想吧，那点忌妒刺痛来源于极度的羡慕，不是么？所以让那种妒羡激励你采取行动。如果你羡慕朋友在科学竞赛中获胜，那么就根据自己的才能和爱好，找到适当的途径去获得自己的成功。与其被这只绿眼怪兽折磨得狼狈不堪，还不如加以利用。从长远来看，这对你个人，对你的友情都是有百利而无一害的。
1． honestly adv． 实在地
2． talent competition 才艺大赛
3． churn up 搅动，扰乱
4． green－eyed monster （修辞）嫉妒
5． to top it off 更妙的是；最糟的是
6． be down on 对某人感到/表达不满
7． deep down （口语）实际上；在心底
8． own up to 坦白地承认
9． BFF（缩写）＝best female friend
10． pout [paut] v. 噘嘴，板脸，不高兴
brood v. 沮丧
bite one＇s head off 愤怒地指责某人
11． awesome adj．（口语）很好
12． flip side 唱片的反面；引申为反面、另一面
13． bud n．（口语）朋友
14． mess up 弄糟某事物
15． cartwheel n．（体操）侧翻动作
16． die for （口语）非常喜爱
17． be bound to 一定做某事
18． take sth． out on sb．（因生气、失望等）向某人发泄
19. spur v. 激发
20. in the long run 从长远看，最终