Whenever I said something like “Dad, my girlfriend makes me so mad,” without fail3 Dad would come back with: “Now come on, son, no one can make you mad unless you let them. It's your choice. You choose to be mad.”
Or if I said, “My new biology teacher stinks4. I'm never going to learn a thing,” Dad would say, “Why don't you go to your teacher and have a talk with him? If you don't learn biology, Sean, it's your own fault, not your teacher's.”
He never let me off the hook5. He was always challenging6 me, making sure that I never blamed someone else for the way I acted.
You see, Dad's idea that you are responsible for your life was hard medicine for me to swallow7 as a teenager. But with hindsight8, I see the wisdom in what he was doing. He wanted me to learn that there are two types of people in this world —the proactive and the reactive—those who take responsibility for their lives and those who blame; those who make it happen and those who get happened to.
Each day you and I have about 100 chances to choose whether to be proactive or reactive. In any given day, the whether is bad, you go to school late, your sister steals your blouse9, you lose an election10 at school, your friends talk behind your back, your parents don't let you take the car(for no reason), and you flunk11 a test. So what are you going to do about it? Are you proactive in reacting to these kinds of everyday things?
How many times have you been driving down the road when suddenly somebody cuts in front of you, making you slam12 on your brakes13? What do you do? Do you fly off at the mouth14? Give'em the bird15? Let it ruin16 your day? Lose bladder control17?
Or do you just let it go? Laugh about it. Move on.
The choice is yours.
Reactive people make choices based on impulse18. They are like a can of soda pop19. If life shakes them up a bit, the pressure builds and they suddenly explode.
“Hey, you stupid jerk! Get out of my lane!”
Proactive people make choices based on values. They think before they act. They recognize they can't control everything that happens to them, but they can control what they do about it. Unlike reactive people who are full of carbonation20, proactive people are like water. Shake them up all you want, take off the lid, and nothing. No fizzing21, no bubbling, no pressure. They are calm, cool, and in control.
“I＇m not going to let that guy get me upset and ruin my day.”
A great way to understand the proactive mind-set22 is to compare proactive and reactive responses to situations that happen all the time.
无论何时，只要我说“爸，女朋友让我受不了”， 老爸必定反驳道：“好了，儿子，没有人能够让你恼火，除非你让这些事惹火自己。一切取决于你。恼不恼火也取决于你”。
要是我说，“新来的生物老师真臭。跟他什么都学不到”，老爸则会说道，“你为什么不去找你的老师，跟他谈谈心？如果你自己不想学生物，肖恩，错在你，不在老师”。
他决不允许我逃避责任。他总是激励我，确保我敢做敢当、决不归咎于他人。
瞧，老爸坚信每个人必须对自己的行为负责：可身为十二、三岁的少年，我实难咽下这一剂苦口良药。但从“后见之明”来看，他的做法实在高明。他要我明白，世上有两种人，即主动型和被动型。前者勇于承担生活责任，后者动辄责备他人；前者促成事件的发生，后者则听命于发生的一切。
每一天，你我都有百余次机会选择：是做主动型还是做被动型的人？假如某一天，天气很烦人，你上学迟到了，姐妹偷穿了你的短衫，你在学校选举中败北，朋友在你背后说长道短，父母无缘无故不让你用小车，还有——你考试不及格——此时此刻，你打算做什么？你会不会主动出击把生活中发生的这一切搞掂？
有多少次，在你全速驾驶的时候，突然有人插在你前面，逼得你不得不猛踩刹车？此时此刻，你能做什么？破口大骂吗？大喊着轰开他们吗？让这事毁了你一天吗？情绪失控、暴跳如雷吗？ 还是就当这事儿没发生？一笑了之，走你的路吧。
一切取决于你自己。
被动型人做决策时总是冲动。他们就像一罐苏打汽水。如果生活给他们稍许的颠簸，压力就会累积，然后突然爆炸。
“喂，你这愚蠢的土包子！从我面前消失。”
主动型的人则按照自己的价值观行事，总是先想再行动。他们知道自己无法掌控生活中发生的一切，但是，他们可以决定自己的应对方式。与被动型的人不同——这类人浑身都是碳酸气，主动型的人更像水——怎么摇晃他们都行，打开瓶盖也成，他们还那样。他们不会嘶嘶作响，不会起泡泡，不会感到压力。他们镇定自若，冷静如初，一切尽在掌握中。
“我可不想让那家伙惹我生气、败我的兴。”
要想透彻地理解主动型人的心态，不妨把他们和被动型的人对日常事件的反应比较一下。
你无意中听到——最要好的朋友竟然当着一群
1. proactive adj． 主动的
2． reactive adj． 被动的
3． without fail 无疑，必定
4． stink v． 发出臭味
5． off the hook 脱身，免于责备
6． challenge v． 激励，激发
7． swallow v． 咽下
8． hindsight n． 后见之明
9． blouse [blauz] n． 短衫
10． election n． 选举
11． flunk v． 不及格
12． slam v． 猛击
13． brake [breik] n． 刹车
14． fly off at the mouth （口）狂怒，气得大骂
15． give sb the bird （俚）用喊声轰某人
16． ruin v． 破坏，毁坏
17． lose bladder （膀胱） control （口）情绪失控
18． impulse n． 冲动
19． soda pop 汽水
20． carbonation n． 碳酸气
21． fizzy adj． 嘶嘶的
22． mind－set n． 心态