A quiet girl
There is a girl who is always quiet. 【很简单的一句,直接用 There is a (very)quiet girl即可,用不着使用从句】She likes walking alone along the narrow roads in the countryside.She feels cool when she is walking in the open air.She often looks at the moon.The moon is bright and beautiful, she thinks.She likes staying in her own room alone.She thinks, it's very wonderful.She usually read novels there. 【这一段关于小女孩的介绍很好,也没有什么语法错误。】
She has many hobbies.For example,she likes playing violin,and she can play it very well.So she often loses herself in her music .She likes singing english songs.It's good for her english and music. 【这两句可以用从句表达 She likes singing english songs for(or because) it's good for her english and music.】
I love her,because she is me.
小学5年级 - 记叙文 - 记人字数:618 投稿日期:2010-4-11 20:12:00总体来讲,没有什么大的问题,能够准确地表达自己的想法,偶尔也能用一些句型。但是切记不要把原本很简单的句子用从句来表达,这样会让人觉得很肤浅。继续努力!---- By BBS 2010-4-12 12:53:18