Tom: We'll have some visitors tomorrow.
Bob: How do you know?
Tom: The headmaster has come to see us clean the classroom.

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Kate: I wish I lived in ancient times.
Joan: Why?
Kate: There wouldn't be so much history to learn then.

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　　Nasreddin liked fish very much, and when he had enough money, he bought some for his dinner when he went to the market, and took it home. But when his wife saw the fish, she always said to herself, “Good! Now I will invite my friends to lunch and we eat this fish. They like fish very much.” So when Nasreddin came home in the evening after his work, the fish was never there, and his wife always said, “Oh, your cat ate it! She is a very bad animal!” And she gave Nasreddin soup and rice for his dinner.
　　But one evening when this happened, Nasreddin became very angry. He took the cat and his wife to the shop near his house and weighed the cat carefully. Then he turned to his wife and said, “My fish weighed three pounds. This cat weighs three pounds too. My fish is here, you say. Then where is my cat?”

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Tom: It  must be wonderful traveling by air. By the way, do you have any experience in flying?
Bob: Yes, I fell out of a window once.

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　　I went into a big store in town and asked the assistant for a small packet of washing powder. She handed me a packet marked “Large”. “I'm afraid you didn't understand,” I said. “I asked for a small packet.” “That's right. Madam,” said the assistant. “It comes in three sizes—Large, Giant1 , and Super. I gave you the small size—Large.”

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Wife: You do look tired.
Husband: Our plane had motor trouble, so we passengers all got out and pushed.

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Dentist2: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction3.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

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Patient: Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine.
Doctor: I'm pleased that it helped you.
Patient: It helped me wonderfully.
Doctor: How many bottles did you have to take?
Patient: Oh, I didn't take any. My uncle took one bottle, and now I'm his sole heir4.

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Tom: I'm of excellent memory. I won't forget anything that comes into my mind.
Ram: I lent you twenty dollars two weeks ago. How is it that you've forgotten about it?
Tom: That's because that money didn't come into my brain; it went into my pocket and then into my stomach.

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Tommy(laying down two pence): A loaf of bread, please.
Baker: It's three pence now, boy; bread's risen in price.
Tommy: When?
Baker: This morning.
Tommy: All right, master, give me one of yesterday's.